Inner Child Work - An essential part of Healing

I felt inspired to write about the Inner Child as, connecting with mine has been a life changing experience and a big part of my healing, and continues to be as I engage and listen to my inner children when they need it.

There is now a lot of evidence about the existence of an Inner Child in each and every one of us, and how working with this part of our self can bring deep emotional, mental, physical and spiritual healing. So, some of what may be written here you probably have already read although, this article contains my story too as a Bonus!

The Inner Child is that part of us who resides in our subconscious, mine also resided in my heart space, and has the ability to influence our adult behaviour. They are that part of us who carry our true essence but is affected and moulded by the events and experiences we have during our childhood and young adolescence years.

A healthy Inner Child is one who grows in an environment of love, safety, is fully understood and accepted, nurtured, and empowered by their parents and their environment; one who was able to feel and be without judgement and thus, allowed to formulate a view of the world as a place that is loving, nurturing, safe, gives them space to experiment and grow healthily and makes you feel empowered.

However, sadly, a healthy Inner Child is not really the norm nowadays. As I have had the opportunity to find out by now I, like many others, had a challenging childhood and adolescence. Thus, developing a wounded Inner Child which carries suppressed emotions, feelings, trauma, untrue self-beliefs, is full of shame and feelings of unworthiness, feels disconnected.

When we carry a wounded Inner Child, we may feel like we are trapped in a loop of always attracting unhealthy friendships, relationships, jobs, experiences, chronic pain, have unhealthy coping mechanisms, anxiety, depression, self-sabotage, etc.

But what happens when we have more than one Inner Child?

I felt like I was in a loop of repeating relationships, work environments, all of my life until I started my healing work. I can't remember the year, but it was early on when I started meditating, that the facilitator decided to do an "Inner Child" meditation, and wow...

As I went into my heart during the meditation, I stumbled upon a child who had her back to me and was looking out into the sea, she seemed familiar but she did not turn around or said anything. I was intrigued. I could not connect then though.

As I continued with different holistic practices to deal with my depression, I continued practicing this Inner Child work by myself, always stumbling on the same block - why did this child not want to speak to me?

I persisted during my meditations and continued to go back to her and I found out she was 5 years old and, when she turned around, she was me! She had the saddest eyes I have ever seen. She was in my heart, because that is where she felt she could hide in safety. It took me many more meditations to get her talking but, when she did, I had the most amazing release. However, to my surprise, during another meditation, the 5 year old came with a 7 year old me; I followed the same process, but during my journey more “me’s” appeared that needed to be integrated.

My Inner Children were running rampant within me! Unbeknown to me, leading my adult life. They were in the driving seat and I, the adult, was blindfolded sat in the back seat of the car.

Then, I had this vision during one of my Inner Child meditations - A car driven by a 9 year old me, a 7 year old in the passenger seat as the copilot, then a 3 year old, a 5 year old and me (adult) in the back seat. The car is also full of “crap” – accumulated unfelt/depressed feelings, emotions, unprocessed trauma and experiences – blocking the view. A car crash waiting to happen! And it did, it took the form of a yearlong depression in 2015, but up until then, they had been happily (or unhappily) driving my life.

My childhood story was full of traumatic episodes with capital “T” and, also traumatic ones with lower case “t” as Gabor Mate would describe it, leaving me with many wounded Inner Children that lied in my subconscious and heart hiding painful truths.

Inner Child work was a long process for me, one that required me to be patient above anything else and then, develop self-compassion and kindness. I had to allow myself to not only hear and see these parts of me, but I had to let them express themselves freely, fully FEEL every feeling, deeply LOVE and accept them even if I did not like what was coming up. Then, from the viewpoint of my adult self, create a more accurate and realistic narrative of the events that took place, that allowed these inner children to understand, accept and release their burdens, remember their true essence and reconnect with my self. One thing to note though was, that there was no need to relive the traumatic events, only to sit and feel the supressed (depressed) emotions and feelings.

Giving them space to unravel, to freely move, to be acknowledged and accepted. Then, fully integrated.

I proceeded to continue Inner Child work with an amazing mentor and Soul Coach, connecting with a teenager and a young adult.

I learnt more about how to use this practice during the Root Cause Practice Program by Tracey Stevens (which I highly recommend).

Even though they have now integrated with my adult self, sometimes they still get triggered but the positive is that I can identify straight away when that happens, and I know what to do to regulate my nervous system (them) and act instead of allowing them to react.

As my last words in this article, I would like to say that Inner Child work is not an easy or pain free process, it requires a lot of courage and a determination to self-healing. So, if you find yourself working with your Inner Child, I just want to tell you that what you are doing is a beautiful act of self-love. Don’t give up, the end result is priceless!

Through Intention Within I use intuitively guided Inner Child Work. If you are interested please get in touch by emailing me at zmian@condordivinehealing.com and book a 25mins consultation session or click here.

Wishing you a beautiful day!

With love,

Zoly